


count your bones, one by one

by dreadfulbeauties



Category: Berserk (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Rape Aftermath, Statutory Rape, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:27:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27763717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreadfulbeauties/pseuds/dreadfulbeauties
Summary: "But I'll brave it out! Yeah, I'll brave it out! There's no use getting down."
Comments: 5
Kudos: 10





	count your bones, one by one

Gennon is greedy.

Greedy — pulling down his clothes. Greedy — yanking on Griffith by the hair. Greedy — fingers painting bruises on his skin when he grabs him, even when he’s not speaking reminding Griffith that this is not his body to command. He is for Gennon, and Gennon alone.

_It’s temporary,_ Griffith thinks to himself. _It’s temporary. It’s temporary. It’s temporary._

Even though he’s hollow. The silk of the bedsheets below him are a small, small comfort. One day, he thinks to himself, I can go to sleep knowing that I can have a bed like this of my own. I will be able to sleep by myself at last.

There’s no ounce of pleasure he gets out of it, but there is no real pain, either. But he makes the noises Gennon wants him to, pretends to conform to the role of another doll to be used. _I told him I wanted this,_ Griffith tells himself that truth, _I told him I would in exchange for the funds. This is what I am doing because I know what it will bring._

It is a feeble, feeble truth. But he clings to it anyways. Because if he doesn’t he will break, and even if it is only for a moment he will let himself be crippled by doubt and fear

(Was this the first time? Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t — it’s all very murky for Griffith. But it certainly doesn’t matter whether or not it was the first time.)

It is over and he stays the night. He doesn’t have a choice—

Griffith corrects himself. _This is my choice._

He lies crumpled beneath the sheets, shrouded in the shadows. If he listens to his heartbeat for long enough he can block out the noises of Gennon breathing. He’s exhausted, the bruises lining his body sting if he moves even by a hair’s breadth. At least he’s got the softness of bedsheets keeping him here. 

It hurts.

_I said yes._

Griffith’s looking on the other side of the keyhole, he’s been begging to himself to get out.

_I did this for a reason._

He’s exhausted, he’s hurting himself doing this, half-rotted on the inside, decaying flesh still clinging to his bones even though he _knows_ he’s scared and that he’s just a child wearing fake armor and playing with toy swords—

He closes his eyes, cutting off his thoughts by trying to go to sleep.

_This was for everyone’s sake. If I don’t go through with these decisions, I will never make my dreams reality._

**Author's Note:**

> ...tagged this with the warning of rape because even if griffith DID consent (and even that is presented as somewhat ambiguous if i'm remembering things correctly) he was underage at the time, so it therefore counts as rape.
> 
> i'm a little surprised there aren't more fics about this specific point? i've seen some really interesting metas and analysis about it, but never really any fic proper grappling with it. which is interesting, bc this part imo marks a really important part of griffith's character - unfortunately, though, i don't think that's something i can articulate in any form beyond writing fic. so this will have to do.
> 
> i haven't read the manga or seen the 1997 anime in quite a while, please forgive me ^^, also, the title is taken from "bloody nose" by jack conte. the last lines in particular (what you see in the summary) really made me think.


End file.
